Natasha
Dimitri
Dating Russian women is a subject that has always inspired much controversy throughout the modern world. There is a lot of speculation whether the Russian female has enough qualifications in order to be classified as “datable” or, as some experts might claim, hot.
Several studies have been conducted concerning one of our hypothetical “datable” Russian female subjects, whom we will refer to by the use of a codename – Natasha.
One of the main studies allows us to conclude that Natasha is very “visually appealing” by Western standards, as we can state through careful observation of her Facebook profile photo. As most experts realized though, the Facebook can be very deceiving; Natasha turned out to have the most beautiful face, nevertheless the same could not be said about her huge, enormous, never-before-seen obese body.
In contrast to her body features, Natasha is known to have been gifted with an extremely extraordinary and magnificent voice, often compared to the chant of the most bellissima of all mermaids. However, this is all that can be said about her speaking ability, since one is not able to understand a word coming from her mouth.
Despite all of these physical attributes, she can be considered a loving lady, due to the fact that according to these studies Natasha is someone whose taste for food, cinema, fashion and specially music is abnormal. Balalaika sonnets by her potential candidates are among her personal favourites, as long as the D# note is not played during a sonnet; this is the main catch these candidates must be careful with, otherwise the probability of getting smacked in the head with a Matrioshka doll will drastically increase.
Our highly professional experts also argue that the best way of conquering her heart (besides offering her a trip to Disneyland with a free pass for any French McDonald’s) consists in inviting her to dance her favourite dance, the Kalinka. This has been proved to be both an advantage as it is a disadvantage, as we get to put on the most magnificent set of clothes in order to dance but one can get severely injured in his back. The success of these studies would have been tremendous, had the experts not been submitted to a perilous journey through the vast dimensions of her house, the Kremlin. This journey allowed them and us to conclude two things: firstly, that Natasha is what they believed to be “rich as bloody hell” as her house has everything one could ever wish for, apart from (and that’s the only reason) not having enough directions to the nearest toilet, hence all the suffering endured by the experts, who had eaten too much.
In conclusion, we must ask ourselves: is Natasha worth the experience? That is something no scientific study can answer for you, and is left for you to discover.
André Pinho & Miguel La Feria
Love is a strange place. Most people don’t think they will find it in the shape of a 1.80m, blonde, Russian bombshell. I however, have. Since we first began dating, things have been going really well, even though we have some issues.
On the one hand, our major problem is communication: she doesn’t speak English, and I speak no Russian whatsoever. This is rather frustrating, because I know her to be an intelligent and cultured person, a side of her I unfortunately do not have access to. To fix that, we are both taking lesson on the other’s language. This is a time-consuming and nerve-wrecking process because up to now, I haven’t managed to raise my Russian anywhere above pathetic.
On the other, our lack of communication avoids most ridiculous, unfortunate and pointless arguments which plague the majority of relationships, contributing to a stronger bond between us. Her father is tremendously rich, even though it is not an essential requisite for a girlfriend, it has its advantages. He’s more than happy to pay for the majority of her big-spendings, because my student position doesn’t allow me much financial independence.
This has a major setback: her father is rich because he is the godfather of the matrioska mafia, a Russian criminal organization with ties to the Kremlin. There is a certain fear factor involved here.
I haven’t stated it here, but apart from being a really intelligent and nice girl, she is absolutely stunning! Taking her out is an ego trip. She has great dressing taste and attracts looks from a lot of people. The most charming and beautiful smile belongs to her. I cannot see those perfect straight white teeth and not smile back.
Speaking of grins, one who is always grinning is her 1,97m bodybuilding, balalaika playing, kalinka dancing, kickboxing brother: Dimitri. Apart from being a ridiculously mad man who is always hovering around us as if I was the Russian mobster and was planning to kidnap his sister, I believe he will eventually accept me, but as of now, he hates my guts.
All things considered, Natasha is a wonderful woman. She is very bright, unbelievably beautiful and simply the most amazing person I know. We do have our issues, but it’s nothing compared to the love we share for each other. I know we will be able to walk, hand in hand, to a great future and a better life.
Miguel Dias, Miguel Santos & Pedro Botte
An issue constantly at stake is the relationship between people from different countries - we believe they don´t usually work out and we speak for ourselves. One of the main reasons for saying this was the my relationship with a Russian named Dimitri, a complete disaster.
Some people believe that coming from different cultural backgrounds may affect a relationship, specially if they don´t speak the same language. This happened to me and Dimitri: I couldn´t speak Russian and he couldn´t speak English...
It is argued by experts that Russians - because of what they suffered during and after the second world war - are tough: you could actually say they are like the matrioskas, we have to open them up, one at a time. Dimitri was very shy and I thought if I waited to know him a little better, he would get more interesting. However, after opening all the dolls, all that remained was a tiny little colourless dummy.
The balalaika is considered a very beautiful instrument, but the so-called romantic sounds of this guitar are, in our opinion, a little annoying. One could say Dimitri played that instrument all the time...
Many people believe that the kalinka, the typical Russian dance, is one of the most beautiful in the world. The Kremlin is also considered a world wonder and the most important symbol of the Russian culture. This led me to the advantages of dating Dimitri. He was handsome, rich, so he could take me to several kalinka shows. Moreover, his house is next to the Kremlin.
In conclusion, although this relationship helped me to grow culturally, it didn´t work because of our differences of language, culture and different ways of thinking. Too bad...
Carlota Caldeira & Marta Taborda
Dating is always a hard goal to beat, but the main question is: “Is she the perfect girl or not?” Today we have Natasha, who is planning to get a date with a western student. Do we approve or disapprove of this date? Let us find out.
First of all, Natacha is a girl with Russian nationality and she's 22 years old. Her favourite hobbies are collecting matrioskas, playing the balalaika and listening to pop music; she often visits some of the most important monuments in Moscow and St. Petersburg. A person with a high cultural level is an ideal girlfriend. But what about her origins?
Some people believe that languages are barriers; this might bring some issues between the couple. The lack of communication and the long travels through the european continent might bring some delay, impatience and costs, thus creating a big insatisfaction.
Another counter-argument is the fact that their parents come from different family backgrounds: Natasha is from a conservative country - where people suffered a lot with the Cold War and communism -, while her western boyfriend's home country had a different history, culture and ideology.
In conclusion, we all agree that Natasha is a good partner and that the language barrier is a challenge, but an "overcomable". However, concerning their parents' cultures, their reunion might be unprobable...
António Alves